My dad passed away 3.30am Christmas morning

Christmas will never be the same again, and I will never say Happy Christmas again

We went and saw him on the Wednesday and he was fine
Thursday (Xmas eve) he was sore and had a temperature but was ok and sleepy so we left him at tea time and I took my mum out for a few drinks with her friends
got in at 12.30 and went to bed
2.30 the landline rang.
panic springs through you.
rush down to the hospital, trying to keep mum calm via taxi, rushed through A&E down to his ward
get there and instantly get stopped by the doctor who wanted to speak to us which is when you know somethings wrong
she tells us that at about 12.30 he got a terrible temperature and vomited up blood. they'd tried to get him more blood but it wouldn't stay down. so they called us
we got there, he was struggling to breathe.
you could hear blood on the lungs, so rattly, so strange. so haunting
blood was coming from his nose and mouth. so sad
he couldnt speak but we know he could hear us as he squeezed our hands when we spoke to him. which was something. we know he knows he wasn't alone when it happened
they gave him some injections to help with the breathing and the pain. it seemed to.
phoned as many people as we could to try and get down there but being 2.30 in the morning, it was a struggle
we were the only ones there when he passed. his sister was 5 minutes later, as were dave and isabelle.
mum broke down, as expected
mine held off until I was left alone with him. had to look after her, think it was mostly shock that hit me to be honest
all his brothesr and sisters finally arrived, we all sat around and talked adn then decided that we had to leave as it wasn't healthy being there when we couldn't do anything.
went back to ours. didn't go back to bed. stayed up til about 11pm that day
still had our presents and some dinner and stuff, as he would have wanted us to.

so yeah..
still not really sunk in to be honest. get waves of tears. mostly when I try to sleep.
got to try and get things arranged now.
if any of you want to come to the funeral, please let me know and I'll give you details when I have them but please don't feel that you should for me or whatever. only if you'd like to. I don't expect any of you to as you don't really know him but I know one or two of you might be thinking it

thankyou SO much for everyone who helped telling people, sent wishes and love, tried to call (sorry, cant handle talking right now), whatever. really do appreciate it and will reply to you all when I have the strength.
Right now, I need to look after mum so won't be in Southampton for a long time nor online much.

if for some reason you want my address, then if you're a comper, contact Charis or if you're a friend, contact Ross (FB him or something) but please, for now, if you feel you want to send flowers or something, please let me check with mum. I know the funeral will be family flowers only, and will be donations somewhere too. Will update later.

will update more when I have the strength.
thankyou all..
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